


Hysteria

by Surly_Sour



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 07:38:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20597123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Surly_Sour/pseuds/Surly_Sour
Summary: Reflekdoll got me feeling all sorts of ways about a pair of horrible people and one of them determined to continue in on making horrible life choices.





	Hysteria

"...fall my feathers."

She feels as though she is dying by inches.

It comes with the jarring shock of plunging into icy cold water, and Nathalie struggles to breathe as Mayura's power swiftly recedes. With it, the tiny bird-like kwami manifests, once again taking form to dance above their heads, gleeful and whooping, utterly thrilled over their venture and continued freedom. It's excitement would be adorable if their appearance didn't come with the crushing wave of exhaustion - just a little more to pay in using the damaged Peacock Brooch. 

Her knees give out at the same time the vice settles itself tight around her lungs, a wracking cough tearing through her that leaves her gasping. But she does not flounder alone this time, in an instant Gabriel is at his knees by her side, his own Miraculous swiftly released. He is not suffering the change, no, he's well practiced with the departure of Hawkmoth. 

She wonders if perhaps the tiny butterfly kwami is carrying that burden as it watches all of them with silent concern in this darkened room. 

Gabriel Agreste is not calm now, the faint tells are there in his movements. His arm settles over her shoulders, protectively drawing her close to settle against him for support as she fights to regain her composure. A scenario well played in her idle moments at any other time, but forgotten in her distress. She can almost hear the fear Gabriel is trying to mask in his voice as he quiets the mercurial Duusu, stopping the kwami’s worrying before it would escalate back into panic. Nathalie is in no condition to reign in the kwami she was still trying to understand, but Gabriel knows the right words. She is tired. She needs to rest. 

Skirting the truth to keep the situation under control. 

Nathalie braces herself as another fit of coughing takes away her breath, trying to recall if it was better than the last time, but there is a growing certainty that sooner or later this would possibly put her in the same troubles as Emilie.

Possibly worse.

How long had Emilie lasted? How many times had she used the peacock brooch?

_ I said I could handle it. _

_ How many times had Emilie said that? _

...what would happen to her when that day finally came?

There's warmth now. Gabriel is resting his cheek against the top of her head, his breathing slow and steady as though it would convince her own to immediately fall into sync by willpower alone. She wants to, but all she can do is wish she wasn’t so cold and continued to try to think of a number - that far too important number - how many chances she might have left. 

She could kick herself for her sentimental stupidity, for clouding her judgement and putting herself into this situation. Far too eager to please. 

For what?

_ What will you be remembered for, Nathalie? For you keeping the Great Gabriel Agreste's personal calendar in order while he waged a one man war terrorizing all of Paris? For sitting in on an endless string of board meetings and all the other things he couldn't be bothered with to attend in person? _

_ For ensuring his son was just a little less neglected than he was before you were employed? _

_ For doing your job? _

She knows Gabriel is talking quietly, no doubt being careful of his words around Nooroo and Duusu until they depart, but struggles to understand what he is saying all the same.

_ You know he will never look at you the way he stares at Emilie's portraits. _

_ If anything, he only appreciates you. _

_ Like one appreciates a piece of office equipment for its convenience. _

_ His only concern is the risks you're putting to his plans and for the future inconvenience of replacing you. _

_But_… and for a moment Nathalie is certain it is the lingering effects of Mayura's coquettish optimism cutting through this despair._ It still_ _feels so good to live in the lie that it's something more than that, doesn’t it? Now get up. _The coughing slips away as quickly as it came, another deep breath is won and so is a measure of her composure.

Can she stand? That was the last thing he asked her. Nathalie’s hands fall to her lap, rubbing them against her legs as though that would convince the unsteadiness to depart. 

He was still holding her, close enough that she could faintly smell his cologne. 

Enough so that it quickly reminds her of where they are, and what she should not be doing with the man who was her employer.

How long have they been like this? 

"I'm… fine, Sir." She doesn't want to pull away from this rare moment of warmth but does for the sake of the schedule. Their task was done, though they had failed they had succeeded in testing both her abilities and those of the defenders of Paris, they had learned so much. But business was still business once the battles were over. "I'm fine. We need to go back. Adrien will be arriving home shortly."

The mention of Adrien causes an immediate reaction, his head lifting from hers swiftly as he unfolds himself from his protective crouch. His face already falling back into its neutral expression as he straightens his glasses. "Yes, of course." He doesn't ask again if she is able to stand, instead taking her hand and elbow and assists in helping her to her feet.

Where he would normally take the lead, he lingers behind her as they navigate the darkened and cramped passage, ready to keep her steady should her steps falter. It takes every last measure of her will not to sink back against him, to keep putting one foot ahead of the other. _ I’ll fend for myself while he resumes his work. I can sit down and check the messages and double-check the ordering schedule for - _ But Gabriel hasn’t stepped away from her yet, and that alone alarms Nathalie. There is an uncomfortable air of someone carefully considering their next words hanging around them. Whatever had occurred in the observatory after she had transformed back had shaken him enough to knock him off of his routine. She doesn’t want to see the look on his face, because she’s afraid if she was to turn around he would allow his doubts to overrule and would take the peacock brooch back in an instant. 

To confirm his disappointment over her risk-taking. 

Or he would do something else. Something far worse.

She tries to find something, anything to use as an excuse to withdraw and busy herself with, but the sun is far too bright in Gabriel's office and for a brief second the panic returns as her gaze settles on the portrait of his wife. Emilie's painted eyes are staring down at her with what almost looks like cool suspicion, as though she knows what Nathalie is thinking. It's a trick of the light flashing off the gold leaf but it's enough of a sobering chill for Nathalie to renew her fight against the lingering exhaustion. 

He’s still too close. If they were to be standing so closely and be seen? Questions would be asked, assumptions would be made. The wrong sort of questions that Nathalie already spent most of her professional career avoiding. What if Adrien was to burst into the office as he had been prone to doing more and more as of late, chancing a betrayal such as that… No. She carefully turns away from them both, determined to put her own indifferent mask back on and act as though nothing had changed. 

_ Something had… _

It wasn't important.

She needed to get back to work, her anger at herself flaring to life once again as her fingers pressed against the cover of her tablet. Gabriel Agreste needed to create, to plan for the next attack, not waste his time worrying over her - not worrying about something that had been her choice!

_ I told him I can handle this. I would pay any price to give him what he wanted. I still can.  
_

It's too bright in here and she suddenly wants to get away from that painted gaze.

"Nathalie…"

Her hand goes up, _ No. _“I’m fine, Sir.” Save this discussion for another day, one that she hoped would never come.

_ I love you too much to cause you any doubt, Gabriel. Trust in me, please, I’ll see this through to the very end. _

Step slow, keep steady. Deep breath, straight backed, confident. Even though her lungs are still burning from exertion and her head is swimming again, she walks away. She needs to walk away. She won't fall. She wouldn’t let Gabriel carry her this time even if she did stumble, because she can’t trust herself in this moment to hold herself to any code of professionalism should he draw close to her once more. 

Once her desk is in reach, she would make her way to the door and out of the office, once she was safely out of the office only then would she allow herself to drop her guard.

She's numb.

How many times did Emilie use the brooch? 

It didn’t matter how many times she used it. Because she wasn’t Emilie. 

She was too tired to care, let it break her if it meant she would be successful in giving Gabriel his wish, after all… 

_ He will have Emilie back and he will know that it wouldn't have been possible without me. _

Nathalie Sancoeur takes another deep breath, finally allowing her composure to crumple at the closing click of the office door. 

She would return when he needed her. 

For worse or better. That would be enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey look, here comes the Ladybug episode to come kick me directly in the chest!


End file.
